tired of tired.

i can't concentrate on anything. my whole life is going on without me and i just want to step back and let myself go. that's how i feel at the moment. life is moving on it's trajectory and i am waiting in some type of cosmic supermarket checkout behind an elderly woman who insists on paying in pennies.

i keep making little lists. writing more in general: electronic and paper form, also correspondence. i have received two of the 23 letters i have sent out back as undeliverable. i hope i didn't waste my time, and that some of the letters get to their destinations.

it seems that a lot of people have the potential to be angels. they might be. i feel like i'm in outer space again. everything is surreal. sounds are ringing out, vibrating through the air. i ought to play music.

we slept hand in hand and cheek to cheek. i held his face in my hands, he held me tightly. the night rolled on, and we rolled with laughter. his eyes were like tiny butterflies, then i kissed them. grinned. (wrinkles at twenty, he said. i think they add to his charm and innocence.) left the bed, much to my dismay, at four.

evan and i went to the lake and spoke about jack kerouac and life in general. we talked about our plans. he laughed at me for falling... sweet boy.we both want to take pictures and be forest rangers and travel to mexico like jack kerouac. i told him we should meet in mexico. i wonder if he's willing. i am more than willing. (please don't die.)

i am once again coming back to the wonder of physical sensations. when i am tired, sensations are amplified and glorious. hands pressing against walls and curls and skin and things all around. i am a stranger, aren't i?

either way, i think i'm happy.